Put the Kibosh on Shame

There is an emotion that comes up from time-to-time that can be difficult for me to identify.

It is SHAME.

Shame is not a feeling. Shame is an emotion that comes from lies I tell myself. It comes from being triggered.

I have had a string of challenges, especially since I left the oil patch a few years ago. While I understand life is a challenge and will send Trickster to keep me on my toes, it is how I have responded – feeling oppressed and antagonized.

I’ve made decisions I thought were foolish because my plans didn’t turn out quite the way I had expected.

How I trip myself up is in “bad” thinking that comes from fiction I make up in my head. I believe part of it is monkey mind but the most devastating aspect is shaming myself.

I once heard a quote in a movie that suggested when people get lost in the wilderness, the number one thing that will kill them is shame. “How could I have gotten myself into such a mess?” “How could I be so stupid?” These are the types of questions I have sometimes asked myself as I looked at the challenges in my life. I felt ashamed of myself.

The character in this movie also said when getting lost we don’t do the one thing that can save us: THINKING. Instead, we feel shame and this is what can derail us.

Well, shame can’t keep me down for very long anymore.

How can I identify shame? I pay attention to my self-talk. Am I saying things to myself to put myself down? Do I judge myself harshly?

When I say such things as, I’m stupid, foolish, no good, a loser, etc., this can chip away at my self-worth. These are emotions coming from thoughts, by telling myself lies.

I find when shame takes over I can’t think straight. This is when I need to be careful with what I think or not to think at all in some cases. Shame can bury me under a heavy cloud that can become a comfort zone under which I can hide for a while.

For the last few years – from time-to-time – I’ve felt as though I’m on a downward spiral. This is shame that can rear up and smack me down.

What I need then, is to be aware when it shows up. How I handle it depends on how I choose to look at my choices and their consequences.

Good? Bad? Who knows?

Also, to share with someone I trust can help put things into perspective and this can dissolve shame.

Another important point is to have compassion for myself and to know my worth.

I once had a yoga instructor from India who said, “Life is a play, play it.” I take that to mean we are here to enjoy and experience life. Sometimes my soul asks for something that seems completely crazy to my logical mind. If I always play it safe and go against the desires of my soul I get stuck in comfort zones. And well, this gets me … stuck.

I know what shame can do and the pain it can cause. This is one emotion I don’t want to allow any leadership in my life. It is a devastating emotion and to be aware of it is a good step in putting the kibosh on shame.