Lonely on the Holidays? Humbug.

The holidays are a very lonely time for many people. With the upcoming holidays, I am thinking of my own ghosts of Christmas past. I’ve spent many Christmases alone in my apartment, sparsely furnished with minimal decorations, if any, making the best of what I had. I lived far away from family for decades. I am all too familiar with that lonely feeling on the holidays.

After I left home, I moved around a lot which made it challenging to cultivate close ties with people and deepen friendships. As a result, I was often alone on the holidays.

When I see people with drawn faces over the holidays, I have to wonder if they are alone and really don’t want to be.

Christmas, with all its glittering tacky tinsel and star-bright lights, is steeped in tradition and while enjoyable for some, it is just the opposite for others. The holidays may be different for different people, and with or without others, this is a choice on whether to enjoy the holidays or not.

As a child, the holidays were about family, lots of extended family who got together in one house which was one big party. Food, drink, music, and laughter were never in short supply. That has come to an end now, even though I hold the memories dear.

The thing is … there are more ways than one to spend the holidays.

Sometimes the loneliness would take me into that deep pit of feeling left behind, particularly in the first years after leaving home. In those early years, no matter what I was doing and with whom, I missed my family.

In later years I found ways to entertain myself and even began to enjoy it. Over the years I began a new tradition of my own on the big day. It was a day I could do whatever I wanted and not worry about anything. I gave to myself, and the loneliness dissipated. I developed an attitude that it was just a day and I had choices on how to spend it. I also enjoyed spending the holidays with friends.

My day looked something like this:

In the morning I would go for a walk and then read with a great cup of coffee. I would put out some baked treats and a box of chocolates. I would open a bottle of wine. I would sip wine, eat treats and work on a jigsaw puzzle while I listened to music or an audio book. Or I read some more. I would then drink and eat further. Later in the afternoon I would start my dinner.

By the time I was ready to eat I would have had a couple of glasses of wine and have made some progress on my jigsaw puzzle. Then I would pull my dinner from the oven and voila … roasted chicken and all the fixins … just for me.

I would light a candle, pour myself another glass of wine and enjoy. And that’s how I would spend my Christmas day alone. Nothing wrong with that.

Selfish? I think not. Lonely? Heck no, I chose not to be. I figured I deserved to have a nice dinner and enjoy my day regardless of being alone. I learned to enjoy myself after years of practice. You don’t need to spend years practicing, just enjoy now.

After living away from my home province for most of my adult life, I am now back and spend the holidays with my family.

If you are alone for the holidays, what can you do to enjoy yourself?

Whether it’s preparing a special meal for yourself or ordering takeout and watching a couple of movies, it can be a day to enjoy yourself and your own company. And if you are sad, that’s okay too. Just have regard for yourself, no matter how you are feeling. If there is no one there to give to you, then give to yourself. To pamper and spoil yourself is to love yourself. Remember, there are no rules.

Another suggestion: if you can, go away on a short trip. Perhaps you can find a group of people who are also alone. I think this could be great fun.

And most of all, no matter what you do, know that you are NOT alone – that you ARE in plenty of good company.

Cheers.