The Comparison Fallacy

I recently began rereading a book written by a woman I knew many years ago and began wondering how she was doing these days.

I decided to look this person up online and was dazzled by her coverage. I was suddenly struck by a feeling of … oh, I hate to admit it … jealousy. This woman has blossomed in her career and appears to be living a charmed life. I felt my gut sink into the floor. What got me was that I had once tried my hand in the same field in which she has found much success. I had believed at the time that it was my field to get into, yet it did not pan out as I would have liked. After some time I came to accept that this field was not for me.

The troubling thing was, I thought I had gotten beyond comparing myself to others.

Obviously not.

Why had I felt this envy and sense of inferiority – once again about this person? I do admire someone finding their true vocation in life – succeeding at their purpose – and I’m not talking about making lots of money or climbing the corporate ladder. I’m referring to those who have gained abundance in their careers and are sharing that for the benefit of others and the world.

Clearing the fog

As I thought about her and feeling really down on myself, I suddenly needed to ask myself this question: “Would I want her career and her life?” To my delight, my answer was a resounding, “NO!” I would not want her life, and I would not want her career either. And besides, I have no idea what she goes through in her everyday life because I really don’t know her.

That helped snap me back into a much better perspective. The fog cleared. What a magnificent wake-up call.

The wake-up call

So, why then, would I allow the success of someone I knew in the past to bring me down to those depths? Perhaps because I have not achieved my desired goals sooner than I would like. Looking at her online coverage really had me judging myself. I was wondering why I had not achieved more with what I had. Then I needed to remember, that line of work was not my thing.

When I had realized I was on the wrong path all those years ago, I was a little devastated. I felt like I had failed. This emotion hit hard and cut deep. I felt shame and judged myself harshly. Doors had slammed in my face everywhere I turned, and I felt like a complete nonentity.

On an intellectual level, I know these are not thoughts I need to be entertaining. I just want to say, “Julie, get it together, chief. You are old enough to know this is claptrap.” I need to refer back to an earlier blog post of mine on regrets, and toss out this comparison and jealousy thing.

This is truth: I do not want to be anyone but myself. I do not want anyone else’s life as I have no idea what their life is really about. I know what my life is about and I want to cultivate what I have with what I know. That’s all I can do.

Consequence of comparing

What I know is that if we compare ourselves to others, we will always encounter others we may perceive as greater than ourselves. “Greater” in the sense of being more intelligent, better looking, wealthier, more successful (however we define success), and whatever we might think as something better than ourselves. This can create bitterness and discouragement.

It is really just fiction we are making up in our heads and nothing more. There is no one other than ourselves deciding what is better and grander despite outward appearances. Outward appearances are just that … We can make up anything about anyone we don’t even know and use a quality meter to make our comparison. What a living hell we can create for ourselves that is not even real.

Lighten the burden of comparing

My life is what it is for the purpose of what I need to work on for the evolution of my soul. Jealously and envy have no business here.

On a women’s empowerment program I watched a number of years ago, they conveyed a list of rules to help acquire more happiness. The number one rule was: “Thou shalt not compare thyself to other women.” I found this quote inspiring and very true. I was much younger when I first heard that and had been comparing myself to others on a number of levels. I remembered that quote and eventually got better at being able to let slide whatever feelings that came up when comparing myself to others.

I need to remember it again.

Seeing the benefits

In terms of the woman mentioned above: instead of feeling jealous or envious, I’m now appreciating the wonderful information she is offering and using it for my own benefit.

If you are comparing yourself with anyone else and experiencing that dreadful emotional of jealousy, remember the rule I mentioned in this article. See what you might be able to gain for yourself from what this person is offering, or what you can learn from your emotions. Most of all, look within yourself to see your own gifts you can offer others and to the world.

Kick that green-eyed monster right out of your consciousness, because it doesn’t even exist except in your own mind.

Joyful journeying.