A Love Lesson from the Shadow

The shadow, or shadow self, is something many of you might find fascinating. Others might be saying, “I don’t even want to think about that.” Or, “What is the shadow?”

The shadow is something I have a special interest in. Why? Because I believe it is not something to be ignored. In fact, integrating the shadow self is what gets us on the road to wholeness.

I have heard, “If you don’t deal with your shadow, your shadow will deal with you.” A chilling thought I must say, as my shadow has dealt with me on many occasions.

My shadow sits, watching and waiting. I can be going along just fine and then, BOOM! Something triggers me. I might become enraged, say unkind words to or about someone, or start moaning about a life situation. My shadow emerges, like black sludge oozing up through the cracks in my veneer, and gloats – “HA! GOTCHA AGAIN!” I fume with a mix of anger and shame and wait for the humiliation to soften, until I can reach for the light again.

My shadow, or shadow self, are the parts of me I don’t like to look at – the parts I think are unacceptable. These parts of myself that feel unloved and wounded are aspects that cause me to feel embarrassed and ashamed when revealed. I try to keep these aspects hidden away in hope they stay in the dark – out of sight and forgotten.

You cannot keep the shadow down

I may succeed in burying the shadow for some time, yet not for long. Situations come up that will reveal my shadow. My shadow will embarrass me, scare me, shame me, and make me wonder if I need another visit to the therapist’s office. All this can happen and more, when I resist my shadow.

My shadow is not going anywhere. It has visited me in dreams and scared the crap out of me. It has popped up in the most inconvenient times and places. It has shamed me in situations where I needed to be more loving and compassionate.

Like a frog waiting to be kissed, the more it is repressed, it just keeps getting uglier.

But wait. The shadow is not all bad … really, it isn’t

The shadow just doesn’t like to be ignored. It doesn’t like to be stuffed down into the root cellar of your psyche and forgotten.

Your shadow is the dagger that cuts through the BS that no longer serves you. It tells you when you need to look at something in an honest way that you might have been resisting. It reminds you to have compassion and understanding in the face of annoyance or anger. Your shadow shows you the dark aspects of yourself. This then, can serve as a guide to help you move on to higher ground.

Embrace your shadow

You need to embrace and love your shadow. Oh, I know; hard to do for something that is dark, mysterious, scary, and can knock you on your ear in the most lurid of circumstances. However, your shadow wants to be loved and accepted just the same as the light aspect of yourself.

When the light shines on you, you cast your shadow, and without the dark you cannot see the light.

Your shadow can show you what you are made of in difficult times and situations, and will bring personal transformation. Sometimes your rage can be the fire that burns away toxic debris that has fed patterns you have forgotten or ignored. If you are open and paying attention, old patterns you are not conscious of may be revealed in ways you might not be familiar with. You may see them on a new, more conscious level. This can be confusing and frightening.

The amazing irony though, is that this points the way toward the light if you are willing to embrace your shadow.

How do you embrace your shadow? Be aware it is there and that it is within you always. Be aware of what you are projecting onto others. What do you judge in others? What are the things in others that irk you to no end? These are things you possess within yourself. Don’t believe me? Just look within and become conscious of your own thoughts whenever you judge someone. Then watch and see when this trait wriggles up within yourself in another situation. When you can embrace these parts of yourself and shine light on them, you will have recovered one of the greatest teachers you can ever ask for in times of transformation and growth.

Reintegrate your Self

This is reintegration of your Self – embracing all parts of your Self to become whole – or holy. You cannot see your own light without embracing your darkness. The parts of you which you don’t like need to be loved and brought to light, not buried and ignored. The more you resist, the more they persist because they want to be included, not excluded.

If you want to understand the Universe, understand your Self, and know the Universe contains both darkness and light. When you experience moments of luminosity and crystal clarity, you have gotten a glimpse into your whole being which is the Universe.

Do not fight or resist your shadow. Do not fear it. Embrace and love it. It has gifts you cannot ignore, and the greatest gift … is you.

Joyful journeying.